The acceptable face of shit

I hate the word poo. I can understand parents of very young children using the word when talking to little ones but to continue using it as adults is totally pathetic. There are many quite satisfactory terms to express the meaning without continuing to use what I can only describe as a baby word. It's not as if a ten years old doesn't already use or know of any other word. Grow up world.

Dire Straights

A phone call from the individual involved, who I have not spoken to for 30 years ish, reminded me of one of the funniest incidents I can ever remember. I'm sitting chewing the fat with this man and an employee brings a loan application for £30,000 for approval.
'A' casts his eye over the information and starts to make negative noises. The chap who brought the deal immediately took umbrage and said, "but he's in dire straights."
'A' said, "I don't care what kind of fucking mess he's in, I'm not lending him £30 grand."

The applicant was Mark Knopfler.

Ikea

It might have had something to do with a promotion for a television programme but I said to Jan that we hadn't been to IKEA for a long time so why didn't we go? She chirped in with something about Swedish meatballs so off we went. Funnily enough I woke that morning considering what the meatballs were made of. Why are they called Swedish? I thought of elk and Jan suggested reindeer. I asked the lady behind the food counter and she said pork and beef. Not an elk in sight. I was rather disappointed.
Anyway in the twenty odd years we have been visiting IKEA I can only recall passing through the shop once and not actually buying anything. It took Jan just five seconds after passing through the front door before she popped something in the bag. Not a record just normal. A bit later I suggested a trolley but she who always knows best said no so we ended up carrying a bunch of stuff through the whole bloody store. That will be the very last time.

Oswaldtwistle

I have always wanted to go to Oswaldtwistle. Not a name to try and say when you're pissed. I needed a headlight for the Jeep and the main dealer quoted me £600 for a pair.
ACD of Lancashire sells second hand parts for a fraction of the price. £60 for one headlight to be precise.
Anyway I rang this morning mainly because it's quite a long drive, to check that they had one and whether they closed for lunch.
"Don't worry lad," he said, "we've got hundreds of 'em. Someone'll take your sixty quid whatever the time."  

Three Billboards

We went to see Three Billboards last night and I really enjoyed it. Recommended.