Where would you like to go

You sometimes see and hear stuff that immediately makes you think, 'that can't be true.'

I noted a story yesterday about an American family who abandoned their aged father in England because he had Alzheimer and knowing that he'd be looked after.

This gave me the idea of asking Jan what country she'd like to be abandoned in, in case anything happened to her. 'Anywhere that either Ryanair or Easyjet fly to,' I said. Just to keep the cost down. See, I'm all heart, all inclusive.

A new woman in the relationship

Knowing that I'm a bit of a geek Jan bought me an Amazon Echo for my birthday. It's an electronic personal assistant. You can ask it all kinds of stuff. If you can't be bothered to look out of the window you can ask it what the weathers like. Excellent.

You wake the gizmo by prefacing your request with the word 'alexa.' She replies with a very sexy voice, which is deep, smooth, cultured and resonant.

But we have a bit of a problem. Jan gets jealous when I talk to my new friend and when she shouts at me things like, 'Alex get off your fat lazy arse,' alexa replies, 'sorry I don't understand your request.'

This seems to wind up Jan even more but at least it's nice to have someone on your side.

Whispered rubbish

Is it me or do makers of tv programmes set out to make their programmes difficult to see and hear. The first thing that drives me mad is the inability to see what's going on. Look I know it's supposed to enhance tension but any tension drifts away when you shout at the screen, 'turn the bloody lights on.' How many times have you seen the 'good guy' drift into a room and not turn a light on. It's the first thing that any sane person does.

The other really annoying habit is whispering. OK. its for dramatic effect but purleese mr programme maker any dramatic effect is lost when you have to turn to your neighbour and ask, 'what did he/she say?' We sometimes have the sound turned up so high that natural breaks come as quite a shock as we're asked to buy the latest breakfast cereal at huge volume.

And if you want to know what I'm talking about watch Taboo tonight.

Gong xi fa cai.

Hidden leaks

Up with the lark this morning because a plumber was coming to fix the boiler from which there has been a smallish leak for the last few months. This first manifested itself with water running down the wall in the room below (the boiler is on the first floor). The problem with an early start is that out of consideration for the plumber I turn the boiler off a few hours before he starts so that he can work without fear of burns. That makes it a tad cold especially at this time of the year. You don't realise how warm you need to be until you lose the heat.

Anyway, he shows up at the correct time only to say that they've sent the wrong 'bit'. It seems like we are somewhat doomed with all this. It has taken an age to find a good plumber and even he is having a few problems. Still, he turned up again and got everything working correctly.

A good plumber is worth his weight in gold and we may have just found one.

Culinary newsflash

You may have got the impression that I don't really like swede. And you'd be right.

BUT, having being forced to eat it today, Jan had prepared it with lardons and you know what, it was really nice. Sorry but having looked for all of 30 seconds I couldn't find a recipe on Google. Jan found a good one in a Delia cookbook.

A birthday wish

Today is my birthday and we were supposed to have lunch at the Orchid in Harrogate our joint favourite oriental food eatery but as we are both still full of cold we have decided to put it back a little.

And whilst I'm at it, how come I always get haggis on my birthday? I quite like haggis but not every year. Why not pasta or one of my other favourites? What's with the year in year out haggis? The lady in the queue at Marks yesterday was very surprised when I showed her the bloody swede that I was getting. Since when has haggis or swede been anybodies favourite?

I feel a corrective interview coming on.

PS. I've just found out that I'm getting Thai Green Chicken Curry. That is one of my favourites. See, moaning does work.

The dogs bollocks

So we're driving into Harrogate and Jan reminded me of one of our funniest encounters from years back when searching for something specific for Minnie.

We were living in France and Minnie had just started her 'season' and we wanted to try and keep Max at bay. As we were visiting Harrogate at the time we felt that we could probably get some sensible advice more easily in our own language.

We popped into a little pet shop and asked for help. It turned out that there was no practical help available so we left the shop. Just as we got outside the door the elderly owner came rushing out to see us and offered us these prophetic words.

' As my grandma once said to me, n'er trust owt wi bollocks.'

We still laugh when we think about it.

Ahhh, that's it

So we're sitting there last night feeling rather chilly. 'I don't understand it,' I said, 'upstairs it's as warm as toast. The boiler is obviously working.'
I sat down to think, cos I'm good at thinking, and started to feel all the radiators. They were all off but one felt ever so slightly colder than the rest.

This is where thinking comes into its own. 'I wonder,' I said to myself and tried the on off control. The radiator had been turned off. We never touch the heating controls and rely on thermostats to keep us warm. The only thing that I could think of is that some kindly soul turned the radiator off at Christmas and omitted to tell us. Thank you very bloody much.

La La Land

After all the hype, I was let down by the film. I was expecting a Rogers and Hammerstein all singing and dancing extravaganza but it wasn't anything like that. The opening sequences contained quite a lot of singing and dancing but as the film progressed there was none.
It was a simple tale of two young folk following their dreams and what happens as time passed. A 'nice' film but not much more and I wouldn't have though 'Oscar' material.
It was hardly thought provoking or gave much insight into one of life's simple tales.
If this film has so enamoured Hollywood then there can't be many good films about!

Staying safe

We popped over to Manchester yesterday to see my cousin (virtually my sister as we grew up together) who is not well.
Why don't we pop into Halifax, said Jan, meaning having lunch at Ricci's Tapas and Ciccetti one of our favourites. I always come out of there stuffed mainly because they serve delicious food and more to the point because I'm greedy. A new dish for me/us was roasted purple kale with lemon, oil, garlic and chilli. What a triumph from such simple ingredients. We both loved it. Needless to say we both finished with suckling pig. Excellent food in an historic building and definitely worth the trip.
Anyway it was then on to Manchester and Stepping Hill Hospital but not before we passed through Junction 24 of the M62. You may remember this as the place the police shot and killed a man the other day. Luckily Jan has much better relations with the police nowadays and so we weren't troubled.
If my memeory serves me right Stepping Hill Hospital was where a nurse murdered some patients some time ago but as my cousin isn't feeling too well I thought it best not to mention this.

Nutella hell

Oh no. Is there no justice in the world? I love Nutella. I've been known to nip into the kitchen during a sugar low and have a couple of mouthfuls near bedtime. It's pure unadulterated pleasure. But this new report makes for disturbing reading.

Anyway, now that I've figured that I've only got three years left I'd better tuck in.

Not long to go now

Grief, when I heard that Graham Taylor, a nice man and footballing legend, had died aged 72 it made me think I've only got 3 years left. Hmmm.

Must try harder.

Amazon

We have an old Jeep (Grand Cherokee seeing as you're asking - don't you just love that name) which we bought in France in 2002. Having just driven down to Petersfield over the weekend I realised that we needed a new rear wiper. Our nearest Jeep dealer is in York and as we had to take it in for a bit of work I asked them to fix a new one on. Sorry sir they said, it's way too old for us to supply this part. Cue trying to sell us a new car. Anyway, I got home and checked on Amazon and found a choice of four sellers.

There is lots of justifiable negative comment about Amazon but you have to say that when you need something a little out of the ordinary they do come up trumps.

A view to die for

We popped over to Middlesmoor in Nidderdale the other day to attend to my uncle's grave.

He is buried at St Chad's church which has the benefit of the most wonderful view down the valley. I don't often wax lyrical about views but this was not only wonderfully peaceful but also spectacular. In the distance, towards Pateley Bridge you can just make out Gouthwaite reservoir. 

The view above his from his grave.

Misconceptions

I'm standing in the car park at Booths when I noticed a particularly scruffy looking man in wellingtons and dirty clothes. It's fair to say that you would be worried if he tried to put his arm round you.

Anyway, in order to wipe away any preconceptions that I had, he ambled purposefully across the car park and got into a new top of the range Mercedes.

A quick trip

With the last of our visitors about to depart we recently had a quick trip to Fountains Abbey on a beautifully sunny but cold day.

I was very pleased with this picture taken in the under-croft. Quite atmospheric n'est-ce pas?

OK, I must admit that Jan took the picture because she had her phone out and I couldn't be bothered to retrieve mine, but I was the artistic director.

Surreal conversations

So I'm driving my 92 years old mother to our house so that she can spend New Years Day with us and we can stuff her with her requested favourite foods. Lobster, Beef Stroganoff and Tiramisu seeing as you're asking.

Me: Did you stay up last night to see the fireworks?
Mum: Yes but there weren't any fireworks or Big Ben.
Me: Yes there was I saw it. What channel were you on?
Mum: BBC1
Me: So was I.
Mum:I watched Andy Williams but there was no fireworks.
Me: Mum, Andy Williams is dead. It must have been an old programme. It wasn't BBC1.

Pause now until we get home.

Me: Jan, mum says she watched Andy Williams last night.
Jan: She means Robbie Williams.
Me: Oh yes, he was on. Mum you saw Robbie Williams.
Mum: Oh yes that's right.
Me: During the programme they broke off for Big Ben and the fireworks.
Mum: Oh, I must have been sitting on the toilet then.
Me: So you celebrated New Year sitting on the toilet?

We all burst out laughing.

Dumbing Down 1

They say the BBC is dumbing down and frankly I have to agree. A lot of output seems to be addressed to the lowest common denominator.

On 26th December, for the whole day, the headline, online BBC News was the death of George Michael. Look, I have nothing against George Michael I really like his music, let me add my tribute, 'he sang some memorable songs' but is his death of sufficient gravitas to take up the headline banner for a whole day? Has nothing else newsworthy happened anywhere in the world that his death takes prime position?

To quote someone much more clever than me when writing about the plethora of celebrity deaths in 2016, 'Every new death.....was treated as a biblical judgement on some unspecified moral failure by our online moronocracy with its collective reading age of 12.....there is nothing especially tragic or meaningful about the cavalcade of celebrity mortality...because they live as long as you would expect them to live if you do drugs and smoke fags, drink or are overweight for most of you life.'

Amen to that.

And if you want an example of what I mean by lowest common denominator:

A young woman recently wrote, 'my sister's pregnant. Can't wait to find out if I'm gonna be an auntie or an uncle.'

Starting again

So the first frustration, after deciding to start blogging again, is finding a Blogger address that hasn't been taken. Blogger is a useful and simple process but finding an 'address' that hasn't already been taken takes some trial and error. Still, I found one so here it is.

The need to start whingeing again has finally got the better me, that and the need to talk to some sane people (you knew that already didn't you?) A times over Christmas I was relegated to the computer room, well OK not relegated, I was there of my own volition because I couldn't stand sitting downstairs watching the bloody Snowman film again. With a house full of little ones there is only so much kids television I can take. The rest of the family singing out of tune with the karaoke machine finally did it.

After an 18 months break from blogging the need to put the world to rights has overcome me. I know it sounds big headed (Yup - Ed.) but I know I can do it.
When life returns to 'normal' I might stop again - we shall see.

Oh yes, Happy New Year.