Simple sums

So I'm in the local Coop getting some cheese for Min to take some pills. The lads in front of me at the till were messing about and the final lad had to find 4 pence for his mate. He was fiddling about in his purse for what seemed like an age. I could see that he had a 2 pence piece but still he messed about.
Unable to contain myself any longer I said jokingly to him, "come on, its only 4 pence you have to count."
When my turn came to pay the male shopkeeper said, "I've been doing this job for over three years and you'd be surprised at the number of kids that can't count. A lot just put a handful of coins on the counter and expect me to sort it out."

Scary if true.

Keelham Farm Shop

So we're in Keelham Farm Shop (highly recommended) and Jan wants a rib of beef. I asked the butcher how long the beef is hung because I like it at around 30 days.
"Sir," he said, "the shop tag line is, all our beef is well hung, just like our butchers."
We couldn't say anything for laughing.